Parents, teachers and kids on the playground made you pick a team: pink or blue.
For anyone in the middle, a girl like myself -- a strong, oversized bookworm with kinky hair who had more fun on the kickball field than playing spin the bottle (a kissing game) with boys -- it was complicated. And shy boys like my neighbor Trevonce, who loved gymnastics, doing hair, dancing and singing the latest hit song way more than swinging a bat -- well, he just didn't fit in.
Not fitting in brought a life of misery and constant fear of being called out or bullied.
Thankfully, times have changed for the better, though hateful attacks against the LGBTQ community and recent Trump-era decisions, such as the military ban on transgender people, can feel like a giant step backward. The constant fight for equality for women and the LGBTQ community has brought some legislative protections and understanding around gender identity and roles.
I say good riddance to rigid rules of gender roles that betray the dreams of little girls and boys and rob them of their full humanity. Let's tear them all down.
That's why I celebrated the news that the NFL now has two male cheerleaders on the LA Rams squad, Quinton Peron and Napoleon Jinnies. On Sunday, they will be the first male cheerleaders to appear at the Super Bowl. It's about time. The news reminded me of Trevonce, whose biggest dream was to be a high school cheerleader -- forbidden for boys back then.
I like this move for the league. Cheerleading, a scholarship sport, has been coed at the high school and college ranks for decades. And men do perform with cheerleaders as stuntmen. Believe it or not, cheerleading began as a male college sport and remained so up until around 1927. More than a few past US Presidents were cheerleaders: George W. Bush cheered at Phillips Academy Andover, Ronald Reagan at Eureka College, and Dwight D. Eisenhower showed his school spirit at West Point.
For a long time, I've worried that cheerleaders are obsolete in professional sports, especially the NFL, where the relationship with women feels condescending or downright menacing. Cheerleaders get little respect. Just last year, cheerleaders for the Washington NFL team said they were forced to do a topless photo shoot while advertisers looked on, and later that day they were required to work as "escorts" for the men. At the time, the NFL released a standard statement affirming a commitment to a "positive and respectful environment that is free from any and all forms of harassment and discrimination..." Let's hope this latest move to add men is a sign the league will take cheerleading more seriously.
I hope so, because cheerleading and I go way back.
I cheered in high school, college and semi-professionally, teaching cheerleading clinics. So, I know that when guys are added to the squad it opens the door for more stunts and gymnastics. Dance routines with men become more athletic, and the performances feel like pep rallies rather than booty-bouncy music videos.
Back when I was forced to pick a side -- girly-girl or tomboy -- I chose cheerleading. Sadly, I had few options. I loved watching and playing sports, especially baseball. I was strong and could hit homers at recess, but girls couldn't play Little League. I dreamed of pitching like my brother. Loved football, too, but besides backyard games, Pop Warner was a no-go for girls. Both of those discriminatory rules have changed today, though girls still are not hugely accepted in those sports.
Cheerleading didn't come naturally to me at first, all that smiling, looking cute doing gymnastics without sweating too much, and dancing — especially the dancing part. It wasn't easy.
Trevonce, who passed away long ago, was my savior as I learned to cheer. And I have never forgotten his kindness. We both wanted what the other could not have, boxed in by our gender.
He taught me how to shimmy and do the dance routines I needed for tryouts. Taught me to do my hair and makeup to look more "girly" and showed me my stiffest competition. "Those girls got nothing on you. You're smart, you have long legs, so you can jump higher, and you have a nice smile," he said, trying to boost my confidence. I know now he was also trying to hide his own pain -- boys were not allowed to cheer.
Still, my friend practiced with me every day after school, at his own peril. Everyone in the neighborhood knew that his mom beat him for "acting like a girl." But Trevonce never quit on me. The day I made the squad, I was ecstatic. But my victory was bittersweet. It should have been Trevonce on that squad. He was better than all of us.
This Sunday, I'm hoping Quinton and Napoleon shine bright on that Super Bowl stage. Trevonce and millions of little boys just like him will be watching. Me, too.
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